So You Managed To Get A Date For Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day, fellow crappers!  The weather is calming down and there’s love in the air.  I assume that’s love anyway.  I haven’t farted or anything.  Well, I mean, a little.  But that’s not important.  Whats important is that it looks like you managed to get a date for Valentines Day!  Good job!  Assuming you didn't just hire an escort for the night, you’re probably gonna want some advice on how to make this a Valentines Day worth remembering.  No worries, we here at Random Crapp have your back with this handy guide to a great Valentines Day date.

Another guide?  Didn't you do one of these already?

You mean my guide to throwing a great Superbowl party?  What about it?

Well, it wasn't very informative, that’s all. 

Look, do you want my help or not?  I've got other guides to write if you're not interested…

No, no, its fine.  I mean, we’re already here, so…sure.

Ok, fine.  Now where was I?  Oh, yeah, you’re sure you didn't hire an escort, right?

I think I would know if I did.

Right, right.  And the woman you’re going on a date with doesn't have an Adams apple does she?

What?  Jesus, no.

Ok, calm down.  Just getting the preliminaries down, that’s all.  Alright, tell me a little about the girl.

Well, I met her at work and—

Hold on a sec.  You met her at your job?

Yeah, is that a problem?

That depends on how much you like where you work.

Whats that supposed to mean?

Well, I’m just saying, you know if things don’t turn out well…..you know what?  Don’t worry about it.  Continue.

Uh, OK.  Well, shes about my height, long brown hair, great eyes, she’s got these little dimples when she smiles, and –

Whoa whoa whoa!  Hold on there! 

What?  Whats the problem now?

You sound like you’re in love with her!

Well, I don’t know, maybe.  Whats wrong with that?

Nothing, nothing, I just gotta switch notes, that’s all.  Everything I have is aimed at more of a “wham bam, thank you ma’am” kind of approach.

You were going to have me take her to a strip club, weren't you?

What? No!  Pfft!  ‘Course not!  (sound of crumpling papers)

You have done this before right?

‘Course I have!  Hundreds of times!  Maybe thousands!  Probably!

Do you even have a girlfriend?  What exactly makes you qualified to make a guide for this sort of thing?

I’ll have you know I’m extremely qualified!  I have to beat women off with sticks!

You’re probably beating your own stick off.  By masturbating.  By yourself.

You know what?  I don’t have to sit for this!  You’re on your own!

Well, once again, this was a complete waste of my time.  Thanks a lot.  I’ll take my chances.

Random Crapp would like thank you for completing this guide.  We wish you a happy Valentines Day and go to hell. 

Anyone know how much escorts are going for these days?

JrX

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