This post is unrelated to my short story Strange Faces. Enjoy.
If you follow me on facebook, some of you may already know
this, but the other day I was watching a video on Redtube and I ran into a
little problem.
(I’m gonna pause right here to let you fabricate your own
jokes to the above sentence.)
(All done?)
First of all, don’t sit there and tell me you’ve never
watched a porn video online, you sick bastard.
We all do it. Some of the top
porn sites online get more hits that Google and Facebook combined. Current studies show up to 30% of all web
traffice is pornography. That means that
after you “like” your friends cat pics on Facebook and check the news, you’re
most likely to head over to Pornhub and rub one out. Another way of saying that is if you live
with two other people, and you yourself never watch porn, beware of sticky
surfaces.
But all of that is besides the point. The point is, as I was trying to close the
video I was watching, I accidently hit the “share on Facebook” button. Now, that scared the shit out of me. Because, while I’m not particulary ashamed to
be watching porn, it’s not an activity I like to share with friends and
family. It’s one of those things you
just don’t share with most people. So
why the fuck is there a Twitter and Facebook button on those videos? I mean, who made that decision? Wouldn’t you love to have been there when
that conversation took place?
-We’ve
done it John! The most largest and most
comprehensive porn site on the internet!
-Great
job, Gary! But I feel like its missing
something, don’t you?
-What
do you mean?
-Well,
when you’re watching porn online, what the one thing you wish you could do?
-Hmmm…I
supppose I always wished that I could share my mastubatory aids with all my
friends and family. But that will
probably never happen.
-Don’t
be so sure. Why not put a “share” button
on every video? That way you can post to
Facebook or Twitter any video that gets you off, like that one with the two guys
and the girl, with the chains, you know?
-Yes! By golly, you’re right! My grandma would love that! Also, cat pics!
In closing, no I don’t want to share my porn with my friends
and family. But thank you for asking.
