Strange Faces: Part 11

“Now what?” asked Sancho.

“I don’t know, but we probably don’t have much time.  He could be back any minute.” I said.

The entity we had come to know as Scooter had retreated into the house after cryptically warning that we were about to “do it the hard way”. After several minutes of snickering at his phrasing, which I will not recount here, we were still no closer to a plan than before, and I felt that we were running out of time.

“Wait a minute, I got it!” exclaimed my brother.

Sancho and I turned to face him, expectantly.  I don’t think either of us really believed he had a viable plan, but I was certain it would be entertaining.

“Ok, get this.  First we all jump him at once.  He doesn't look that strong.  I’ll hold his legs, Sancho you hold his arms, and then you read passages of Twilight until begs for mercy.”

“You idiot”, I said.  “Where are we going to get a copy of Twilight at this hour?”

“You’re both idiots,” said Sancho.  “Is that what you focused on, really?  Twilight?  How about we just jump him, like he said.  Why haven’t we tried that yet?”

“I don’t know.  He’s kind of creepy.  I don’t want to touch him.”

“Well you might have to anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look, this thing wants to basically absorb you, right?  He wants to take over your body, god knows why.  But you’re basically the same person, see?  So, why can’t you just absorb him?”

“You really think I haven’t thought about that?”

“Well you haven’t said anything.  What’s the problem with that?”

“The problem is, he might be right, OK?  I’m not sure I wouldn't just welcome oblivion.”

My brother looked up from his spell-books.  “What are you talking about?  You’re still depressed?  Just get over it already.”

“Sure,” I said.  “”Cause its that easy.”

“Look, the fact is, I’m just not sure how much I care.  This has already gone on way too long and I’m beginning to lose interest. “

“Well that doesn't mean you have to let yourself be taken over by the handless wonder over there.”

“Why not?  I’m tired, OK?  Tired of waking up and doing the same thing every day.  Forcing a smile on my face like a cheap mask so that people will think I’m normal.  I dislike or outright hate almost everyone and everything seems stupid to me.  The best part of my day is going to sleep and the worst part is waking up.”

There was silence for a moment.  Sancho and my brother shared a glance, neither one of them daring to look me in the eye.  I had to think that they both knew how I felt.  I may not broadcast my feelings, but surely they must have picked up on it from time to time, which would account for their reticence to speak.  It was a shared shame. 

Not being able to admit my depression was my shame.  Theirs was not saying something when they knew that must be a problem.  

Not that I could blame them.  Not when I wasn't ready to talk about it myself.  In fact, I don’t want to talk about it now.  It’s all that doppelgangers fault.

“You know what?”  I said.  “Fuck that guy.”

My brother and my friend looked up in confusion.

“Yeah,” agreed Sancho, “fuck that guy.  You’re not gonna let that guy win are you?”

“No.  I’m not” I said with sudden conviction.  “I may be every bit as pathetic as he says I am, but if I have to go, it’s gonna be when I decide to go.”

“Alright then!”  said a grinning Buster.  “So we jump him and then fuck his shit up! Right?”

“No, that’s not the way” said Sancho. 

Buster said, “what do you mean?  Lets kick his ass!  I’ll get the butter knife.”

I turned to the house, where Scooter was just making his way out the back door.  He was carrying something, but I couldn't quite make it out at this distance.  No doubt a prop in his plan to “do it the hard way”.  I wondered what it was.

“You don’t understand”, said Sancho.  “Scooter is everything that’s missing from your brother.  The desire, the motivation, the ability to see color in the world instead of viewing it in black and white.  Scooter wants to merge to become the dominant personality,  and bury him somewhere deep.  But what if it’s the other way around?”

“He means,” I said, turning to look at my brother, “What if I can merge with him and take back all that I've been missing?”

“All these years, I've always felt so empty.  Whatever dark recesses of my mind he emerged from, he brought back what could possibly make me whole again.”

With new determination, I called out to Scooter, “Come get some.”

To be continued..

JrX

Strange Faces: Part 9

scroll down to read the previous installments

If you had told me this morning when I woke up that I would be spending my evening in the  backyard summoning spirits, I would have laughed in your face and questioned your parentage.  But here I am, in the middle of a circle with my brother and best friend, about to re-enact the scene from every horror movie when everything goes wrong.  Except, this wasn't a movie.  It was real life, and a whole lot weirder.  

“You know, you don’t have to be here”.  My brother was addressing Sancho.

“Are you kidding?  This is the most interesting thing that’s happened all week” he said.  “Also, moral support, I guess” he continued , noticing my disapproving look.

“Can we just get started?” I asked. “Its already dark, so if you're waiting for the right time, this is it.”

“Ok” Buster responded.  “Here we go”

Sancho and I moved to the rear of the circle, while Buster, wielding his ceremonial butter knife moved to the northern most corner with his zippo lighter, ready to light the candle.  As solemnly as he could, he intoned:

Guardians of the North, I call upon you 

to watch over the rites of us three guys. 

Powers of endurance and strength, guided by Earth, 

we ask that you keep watch over us 

tonight within this circle, and keep us from screwing up. 

Let all who enter the circle under your guidance 

do so in perfect love and perfect trust.

Sancho and I exchanged a look.  I shrugged whispered, “maybe he’s improvising”

As we turned our attention back to my brother, he continued to move across the circle, making similar invocations at the other three points, while lighting the corresponding candles.  As he lit the last one, we began to notice a distinct change in our environment.  Specifically, it was brighter.  It wasn't the candles either;  the edges of the circle had begun to emit a faint blue aura, a soft and somehow comforting light that seemed to hold back the darkness that came with the night. 

“Soooo, this is normal, right?” I asked my brother.

“Honestly, this has never happened before”  he replied, clearly a bit taken aback himself.

“Well, what did you expect to happen?”

“I don’t know, I’m just going through the motions here.”

“That’s real comforting.  Why did we call you here again?”

“Look, “ Sancho interrupted, “this actually makes sense”

“Oh, yeah?” said my brother.  “And you’re the expert here, right?”

“Well, no.  But clearly you aren't’ either.”  Turning to me, he said “Alright, lets assume that drinking that magically contaminated soda somehow allowed you to manifest some sort copy of yourself.  That same magical energy must still be around here somewhere, maybe leaking from your armpits in magical sweat for all we know.   That magical energy is probably lending itself to Busters ritual in a way that he never could. “

Even Buster had no response to that. 

“We’re through the looking glass here people”

“Jesus” I said exasperated. “How long have you been waiting to make that reference”

“All. Freaking. Day.”  He said with a grin.

“Whatever” Looking at my brother, I said “ Where's the mirror?

“Over there” he pointed.

Following his pointed finger, I saw the mirror leaning against the sole tree in the backyard, maybe ten feet from the edge of the circle.

“So, do I just walk out of the circle and get it, or what?”

“No, see, we’re in the circle to protect us.  We summon the apparition outside the circle.”

“But don’t we have to trap it or something?  If we summon it outside the circle, couldn't it just escape?”

“Well…I mean…maybe..”

Laughing to himself, clearly amused, Sancho said “This is why I hang out with you guys.”

Ignoring him, I walked over to the altar/barbecue pit and proceeded to take it apart.

“What are you doing now?” asked Sancho

“Here” I said, handing him one of the legs. “Use this to reach over and knock of the blanket on the mirror so we can get started”

Turning to my brother, I said “Ok, so how are you going to summon Scooter?”

“Well, its going to take all my skills and knowledge that I've acquired over many years of research and study.  What you’re going to witness will go down in history as my finest moment.  I’ll be at the peak of my powers.  Songs will be written about my one day, mothers will name their children after me and presidents will name aircraft carries in my honor!”

“Yeah,” said Sancho, “..he’s already here.”

Looking over at the mirror, we saw that my reflection was indeed back.

“Dammit.”said my brother.

“Hey, guys” said Scooter.  “What’s up?”

To be continued...

JrX

So I Watched The Avengers...

So The Avengers debuted a couple of weeks ago, and the world had itself a giant collective orgasm resulting in over a billion (sticky) dollars in ticket sales so far.  If you haven’t seen it yet, congratulations, you live in a cave.  Or you’re Amish.  In which case you should get off this infernal machine before the Amish devils gets you, or whatever happens when you stop being Amish.  They probably make you churn butter all day or something, I don’t know.  Anyway, I finally saw it the other day and enjoyed it very much.  However, despite the pleasant surprise of an almost perfect super hero movie, I did have a few quibbles about it.  Nothing that lessens my enjoyment, you understand; but still, a few things that I couldn’t get past.  In no particular order, here are the things I didn’t like about The Avengers:

Pepper Potts

Ok, just for the record, I have nothing against Gwyneth Paltrow.  She’s good looking and, well, that’s all I got.  I don’t mind that she’s the only supporting character from the previous films to appear in The Avengers.  But why doesn’t she wear shoes during any of her scenes? Was that part of the agreement to get her into the film?  Or maybe the film makers spent her shoe budget on Robert Downey Jr’s $50 million payday. In any case, I’m just not a foot guy.  Never have been, never will be.  I don’t date girls that wear flip flops, and it’s the one thing I don’t like about Quentin Tarantino movies.  If anyone is interested, I’m currently accepting donations in advance of the sequel to cover Ms. Paltrows shoe budget.  If we don’t help, who will?

notice how she's wearing shoes

Cpt. Americas Outfit

During the marketing for the Captain America movie, I kept hearing the phrase, “best superhero movie ever”.  I didn’t agree with that at the time, and I don’t agree with it now.  I could name at least five other super hero fims that are in my opinion better.  But I’m not going to open that debate back up.  I will say, however, that his outfit in the film was a whole lot better than in The Avengers.  It was simple, gritty and real. His outfit in the new film was just…cartoon.  Seriously, I just couldn’t watch him on screen and not wince and notice just how shiny his red boots were.  It was Green Lantern all over again. Stupid.

left image=cool; right image=cartoon

The Hulk

First of all, let me say that I think they did a fantastic job with the Hulk.  Best version so far in my opinion.  And the Hulk definitely had all the best fight scenes, especially the ones with Thor and Loki.  Watching Hulk and Thor trade blows was almost worth the ticket price (wish the fight had been longer), and watching Hulk smash Loki around like a rag doll was so awesome it has its own facebookpage.  But why have an entire scene where Hulk goes on a rampage against everyone on that flying ship thingy, and then turn around and have him all of a sudden be able to tell good guys from bad guys during the final battle?  There are moments during the finally fight when he just stands there with the other heroes, not smashing a goddamn thing.  He’s the motherfucking Hulk!  His whole job is to smash anything and everything all the time.  He’s rage incarnate for Christ’s sake!  We’re gonna go ahead and call this one a missed opportunity.

"So, Hulk smash? Or no Smash?"

Hawkeye

Jesus, where do I begin? 

First of all, he has no powers.  No powers, no joining the Avengers.  I mean, that has to be a disqualifier, right?  Where exactly does he fit in?  You’ve got a super soldier, a demigod, a guy with weoponized armor, and another guy who smashes the living shit out of anything that pisses him off.  Hawkeyes has a bow and arrow.  At least Black Widow makes up for her lack of powers by having breasts.  I noticed no such assets on Hawkeye.  Sure, he fires a couple of arrows into some alien skulls, but do you know what his main contribution was during the final battle?  Telling Iron Man to find some tight corners because the aliens couldn’t bank well in their little jet car things.  And what does our “hero” do once he’s run out of arrows?  He heroically jumps through a window and then heroically exits stage left.  The next time we see him, the battles over and he’s standing over Loki with the others, as if he’s been there the entire time.  Guess he had to dash over to the corner store and pick up more arrows. Fuck Hawkeye.

"Seriously? I get a bow and arrow set? That guy has freaking armor, man! ...Fuck."

There were a few other things I didn’t like about the movie, but we’re all in serious danger of me getting bored, so we’re gonna stop here.  I still give the film a solid four and a half stars, but I’m hoping The Dark Knight Rises will be better.  By the way, the preceding paragraphs contain spoilers, soooo….you know, ..you’ve been warned.