A Very Random Crapp Christmas

Here's a holiday treat for all you good boys and girls.  But not for the bad ones.  I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave. We'll wait.
...
Ok, I think they're gone.  For the rest of you, a Christmas poem, in the style of The Night Before Christmas, because apparently the original poem is in the public domain, so there.

The Night Before Christmas Part 2: Die Harder

by Juan Ramirez

Twas the night before Christmas

And all I could think

Was what a stupid holiday,

Life sure did stink.

Last minute shopping was done

And presents were bought,

And everyone seemed to forget

all the times they had fought

The one time of year when

Everyone tried to be good,

I called them all hypocrites,

Well, I did what I could.

Christmas pageants were held

And the baby Jesus was hailed,

But all I could think about

Was where we had failed.

We’re killing our planet

And killing each other,

People go hungry in the streets

One right after another.

All this I was thinking

As I stared out the window, 

When I saw a sleigh in the sky

And a fat little weirdo.

I sprang out to the lawn,

In my pajamas, no less

When he landed in front of me

And began his address,

“I hear you’re depressed”

I heard Santa declare,

“if there’s something on your mind,

Please feel free to share”

I told him I was disillusioned by Christmas

It didn’t make sense,

And I asked him, I pleaded,

“Please make your defense.”

“You’re thinking too large”,

He said with a smile.

“Try thinking smaller,

Just try for a while”

“it’s not about saving the world from itself,

Just start with your neighbors, your friends

And yourself.”

But what about Jesus?

I asked with concern,

Santa said, “You don’t have to believe in him

To grow or to learn.

Just be a good human and forgiveness is earned.”

But what if I’m Jewish or Muslim  or Buddhist?

He said,” what if the moon is made of cheese or

When I go home I’m a nudist?

It really doesn’t matter what faith you subscribe to,

As long as you have it and allow it to guide you.”

I thought for a moment

And it started to click,

And that’s when I realized

I was being a prick. 

I thanked him profusely

For making me hear,

As he climbed back in his sleigh

I think he opened a beer.

“Just be yourself” he said,

“Don’t be a phony”

Then he poured a bit of beer on the ground,

For all of our homies.

And as the sleigh flew away,

I felt my heart grow,

Because he had never given up

On the world down below.

Merry Christmas everyone! (Except for those people I don't like. You know who you are. A big bah humbug for them. .)

JrX

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