Strange Faces: Part 10

Part 10

“I thought you had to summon him first?” I asked Buster.

“Yeah, that would have been awesome,” he said.

“You dumbasses.  He wants to be here more than we want him here, more than likely,” added Sancho.

“What do you mean?”

“He means”, my mirror self interrupted, “I’m ready for my close up”.

And with that, the environment around us began to shimmer as the apparition we’ve come to know as Scooter once again tore its way into our reality.  Stepping out of the mirror onto the lawn, he seemed more there than ever, something I attributed to the magical energies at work in my back yard.  Walking to the edge of the circle, he now seemed to be nothing more than a crude facsimile of myself.  Once familiar features were dissolving into a more ragged visage as he gained more strength. 

Or maybe I’m just really seeing myself for the first time, I thought.

 And shuddered.

  As he walked toward the circle, he reached out with his left hand, testing the limits of our protection.  The air seemed to ripple as he dragged his fingers across the invisible barrier.

“I’m sorry,” I said, “Entry requires both hands.”

“Ohhhh, burn!” said Sancho, as he and my brother smirked.

“Hmmmm...” Scooter looked at the stump of his right hand.  “I’m gonna let that one go.”

I said, “Well, that very handsome of you.”

“All right, enough.  You know why I’m here.”

“You’re looking for a handout?” asked Sancho.

“Ok, that’s real funny, but now it’s time for bus-“

“Holy athame!” shouted Buster, as he threw the butter knife at Scooter.

We all watched as it sailed harmlessly past my doppelganger to land with a soft thud next to the mirror.  There was a moment of silence as we all turned to look at my brother, who took this opportunity to study his shoes.  “Soooo….what were you saying again?” he asked.

Scooter responded, “I was saying, it’s time to end this foolishness and get down to business.”

I stepped forward warily.  I knew that this had to end as well, as it had gotten progressively stupider as the night wore on.  The human mind can only tolerate so much.  But I had no idea what to do.  Looking him in the eye, I asked  “So, what happens now?”

“What happens now is you come out of that circle and join with me.  You won’t be completely lost, just kind of put away.  In a nice little corner of our mind.  I made a nice little virtual room for you; its got a tv and an Xbox and plenty of porn, so you won’t be bored.  And you won’t have to worry about anything else, ever again.”

“I already do that.  I fail to see the benefit here.”

“Don’t be so glib” he responded.  “Think about it.  You want this.”

“And what would you get out of this…arrangement?” I asked, ignoring his last statement.

“A chance to live a real life.”

“What, like Pinocchio?”

“Uh, sure, like Pinocchio.  But –“

“Because I don’t know how that would work out for you.”

“…uh, well-“

“You know at one point he was turned into a donkey?”

“Ok, but ….well.. what?”

“The point is, I like my life the way it is.”

“Wait, how did any of what you just said have a point, and how was…you know what?  Doesn’t matter.   Look, this is happening, whether you like it or not, so just lay back, spread your legs and go to your happy place.”

“Yeah, well how are you going to get me?  Huh?  Come at me bro!  Oh, wait, you can’t cross our circle, can you?  Well, that’s jus too bad, sucka.” And with that, I put my right arm straight out and opened my fingers, staring bullets into my twin.

From behind me, I heard Sancho ask, “Did he just pretend to drop a microphone in front of Scooter, like in that movie with that one rapper guy?”

“Yeah,” said Buster.  “But I think he pulled it off.”

Ignoring everyone else, Scooter looks me in directly in the eye. 

“Alright, you want to do this the hard way?  Let’s do it the hard way.”

To be continued. Probably.

Jrx

Strange Faces: Part 8

“Thank you for calling Mountain Dewp, my name’s Christy, how can I help you?”

“Hi, Christy, I recently purchased some of your product, and I have a little complaint”

Being the most practical of our group, Sancho had convinced me to call the number on the bottle.  To him, the straightforward approach was always best.  If he was in the movie Speed, he would have shot the hostage just like Keanu Reeves, removing them from the equation and taking away the hostage takers leverage, because to him, that was the fastest and most practical way to a solution.  The hostage may disagree, but you can’t argue with results.  Except, probably a world weary police captain, African American of course, who would be forced to suspend Sancho, asking for his badge and gun, until a formal inquiry was completed by Internal Affairs,  all while tiredly muttering “ I'm too old for this shit.”

Too old for this shit, and he still made it through 4 movies.

I'm sorry, that analogy got away from me.  Where was I?

“I’ll be happy to help you in any way I can.”

“Well, you say that.  Just wait.”

“I don’t understand…”

“Well, Christy, it seems that after ingesting some of your, *ahem*, fine product, I am now experiencing events of a supernatural variety.”

“Ah, I see.  How can I help with that?”

“How can you help?  Well, you can tell me how to get rid of ‘supernatural apparitions’.”

“ I'm sorry sir, but I'm unable to assist with that.  We’re not trained in that area.”

“Ok, well, just so you know, I plan on filing a complaint with the Better Business Bureau.”

“That is of course your option, but the warning label on our product will indemnify us from any type of liability.  But perhaps I could offer you some coupons.”

“What the fuck am I going to do with coupons?  Offer my apparition half off his next purchase?”

"I'm just doing my job, sir."

“So were the Nazis, and that didn't turn out well either.”

“What?”

At this point, my brother interjected, “Dude, just hang up.  I'm almost done setting up.”

Turning to my brother, whom I have decided to call, oh let’s say, Buster, I said to the phone, “Listen, Christy, this is pointless.  I'm gonna hang up now.  I would say it’s been a pleasure talking to you, but it hasn't.”

“Well, thank you for calling Mou-“

Yeah, whatever, I thought as I hung up.   “Show me what you got” I said to Buster.

“Follow me” he replied.

Heading outside, we found Sancho in the back yard, putting the finishing touches on Busters plan. 

“What happened on the phone?” he asked.

I said “ I'm getting coupons.  What’s all this?”

  In the middle of the yard was a large circle made of salt.  Four candles were ready to be lit on what I assumed were the four cardinal points.  In the center of the circle was a makeshift altar, made from a disused barbecue grill that had clearly seen better days.  Resting atop the altar was Busters athame, or ceremonial dagger.  In reality, he didn't have an athame, but I had loaned him a freshly dish washed butter knife that I thought would work just as well. 

“Did you just pour salt all over my lawn?” I asked Sancho.  “You know nothing is gonna grow there now, right?”

Sancho said, “It’s a shitty backyard anyway.  Besides, your brother made me do it.”

Turning to Buster, I asked “So, what’s the plan then?”

“Well,” he replied, “first we cast the circle, being inside of course.  That will provide us some protection from any outside forces.  Then we summon Scooter, using this mirror I found in the garage” He pointed to what I guessed was a large mirror covered with a blanket, leaning against a tree. 

“ Wasn't that grandma’s mirror?” I asked.  “We’re not gonna destroy it or anything are we?  Mom will be pissed.”

“No, no” he said offhandedly.  “ I'm sure it will be fine.” Continuing with his plan, he said “finally, once we've summoned the apparition, we simply banish him to a dark oblivion.”  He made it all sound so simple.

I said, “You can do that?”

“Not sure” he said.  “But we’re gonna find out”.