Random Facts

A short collection of Random Facts.  We stand behind the veracity of every claim made in this posting.  I mean, the internet wouldn't lie, right?  Right?

Fact #1:  

The age of the earth is 4.4 billion years old, or nearly twice as old as your mom.

Your mom is not amused.

Fact #2:

Today's (3/20/15) solar eclipse wasn't visible in north America, but if you wanted to know what it would be like to witness it firsthand, just follow these simple directions.

First, get the brightest flashlight you can get your hands on. Second, shine it directly in your eyes. Third, apply for government disability, because now your blind.

Congratulations! You've simulated a solar eclipse!

Science!

Fact #3:

It's not the gold that makes the Gold Apple Watch so expensive. It's because each watch is individually loaded with the trapped soul of a Chinese factory worker who committed suicide rather than work for Apple. Normal Apple Watches simply run on children's tears.

Now you know.

Get yours today!

Fact #4:

Olympus Mons is the largest vagina in the solar system.

Hold on, wait..VOLCANO! I meant that Olympus Mons is the largest VOLCANO in the solar system! What did you think I said?!

Pervert.

Relax.  It's just a close up of a flower.  A sexy, sexy flower.

Fact #5:

The mimic octopus can not only change colors, but can mimic the body shapes of other animals like the flounder, the lionfish and the monopoly guy.

No free parking for you.

Fact #6:

Vending machines kill 4 times as many people a year as sharks do, and yet SyFy STILL hasn't made a movie about a killer soda machine/tornado.

Don't let me down, SyFy.

Fact #7:

If you type the word "hashtag" immediately after the hashtag symbol, #, you will break the internet.

At least, that's what I heard.

Do not try this at home.

Fact #8:

If you were to take the time to individually count every grain of sand at the beach, you would soon discover that you're a very boring person.

This photo is not relevant.  Just enjoy it.

Fact #9:

If you were to take all 7 billion people currently living on earth and place them together in one room, there would STILL be one old lady with a full basket of groceries ahead of you in the only open checkout lane at Walmart. And she's paying by check. With coupons.

That bitch.

Fact #10:

Its possible, with proper training and supervision, to spend the rest of your life underwater by holding your breath until you die.

She was kind of annoying anyway.

Fact #11:

There is a jelly fish called Turritopsis dohrnii that essentially lives forever. They came from the dawn of time; moving silently down through the centuries, living many secret lives, struggling to reach the time of the Gathering; when the few who remain will battle to the last. No one has ever known they were among you... until now.

There can be only one.

Fact #12:

Girl scout cookies are not actually made from real girl scouts. That would be monstrous.

In fact, they are made from artificially grown CLONES of real girl scouts. Which is much better.

JrX

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