Random Pics from the Interwebs

Here's a few pics I found online that I thought were worth sharing.  Not because I couldn't think anything to write.

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JrX

Random Resolutions

Anyone who knows me knows I’m not a dreamer.  I tend not to think big.  I’m more of a day to day kind of guy.  That being said, I would be lying to you if I said I didn't have certain ideas on how 2013 should have gone.  As we come to the end of the first month of 2014 however, it would seem that reality had other plans for me, and I’m forced to reconsider the viability of  some of my previous years resolutions. 

First of all, while my resolution to produce an off Broadway play featuring adult versions of all your favorite Peanuts characters did manage to have a limited run, I can’t in good conscience call it a success.  I can see now how exploring Peppermint Patties lesbian relationship with Marcie could have ruined a substantial part of many of your childhoods and how it may offended the sensibilities of some of our more conservative friends.  Additionally, having Charlie Brown sleep with the stuffed remains of his canine companion Snoopy may have been in bad taste.  As a result, I've removed all sexual innuendos regarding the man and his dog.  While I applaud (actors name redacted)’s dedication to realism, I realize now that their love scene was ill conceived at best .  I’m happy to report that his therapy is going well and he should be home soon.

I had such good intentions...

Second, my resolution to obtain at least one celebrities autograph clearly didn't go well either.  Here and now, I would like to extend my most heartfelt and court mandated apology to Jennifer Lawrence.  I realize that I can at times come off as overzealous, and in retrospect it seems like stalking you to your home and forcing you to read passages from the Hunger Games may have crossed a line.  I suppose it is some comfort that I now have your signature on my copy of the restraining order. 

Once again, my apologies.

Finally, my last resolution to become a vigilante superhero has been marginally more successful.  Tracking criminals through the shadows of our fair city in my homemade costume of black sheets and makeshift utility belts made of 100% faux leather, dispensing my own brand of justice and reading of my exploits in the morning papers has been nothing short of the best experience of my life.  In fact, the horde of police cars and press vehicles pulling up to my drive way promise to make it even more exciting.  They must have found one of my signature calling cards I leave behind with the battered remains of the criminals I've vanquished.  No doubt here to escort me to city hall to receive the key to the city.

Mine doesn't have nipples.

So this is where I part with you, inconstant reader.  With the promise of a glorious new year ahead of us and all that that entails, I leave you with these words of wisdom from Nelson Mandela:  You either get busy living, or you get busy dying.  

Then again, maybe that was Morgan Freeman.  Doesn't matter. Truth, man. Truth.

JrX

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Strange Faces (all parts)

Part 1

There’s a thing called the strange face in the mirror illusion.  You stare at yourself in the mirror and after a few minutes, things begin to appear distorted.  You may have experienced this yourself at some point, and some research has been done on the subject.  One experiment done by Italian psychologist Giovani Caputo, had fifty test subjects attempt this visual illusion.  The experiment lasted ten minutes but the subjects began to perceive the “strange face illusion” after only one.  Descriptions by the participants varied greatly:  66% reported “huge deformations” in their face;  28% described seeing  an unknown person; and 48% described seeing “fantastical and monstrous beings”. 

As strange as this phenomenon is, there have been some attempts to explain it.  One possible explanation is the Troxler effect.  What it is is unvarying stimulus dropped from our perception.  That is to say, for example, if a piece of paper falls on your arm, it is felt for a few seconds before the sensation vanishes.  This principle of unvarying stimulus also applies to vision.  So if you stare too long at yourself in the mirror, your brain will automatically start to cancel out any information that is constant, like, for example, your nose or your lips.  This will account for the “huge deformations” reported by the participants of the above mentioned experiment and even the urban legend of Bloody Mary.  As I look into the mirror now, I realize that this doesn't account for the “fantastical and monstrous beings” they reported however, or the way that my mirror self raises its left arm when I raise my right.

But I wasn't truly scared until my mirror self winked at me and reached for my arm.

JESUS CHRIST! I thought as I stumbled backwards into the tub.  As I watched in horror, Mirror Me was making his way into the bathroom proper.  Already he was almost half in.  I felt almost sick watching this thing birth itself into my world.  Nausea gripped me and my vision became blurred.  It was as if reality itself was pulsating around me, angry at this intrusion from another world.  As Mirror Me finally came fully into my bathroom, standing over me in triumph, I felt the world snap back into place with a jolt and began to come to my senses.  Almost immediately I heard a strange squealing.  I looked around for the source, expecting to find a frightened child, when I suddenly realized it was coming from me. 

Holy shit, was it trying to talk to me?!

“-…dick hamburger.”, he said. 

 “Whafuck?”, I managed weakly. 

He replied, “I said, don’t move, or I’ll stomp on your crotch till it’s nothing but dick hamburger.”

Oh. That makes more sense. 

He said, “Now, listen carefully…”

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