A Guide to Throwing a Great SuperBowl Party

So here we are again, another football season logged, another Super Bowl to go into the record books. That magical time of year when we can gather in fellowship to celebrate the meeting of the two greatest football teams ever (this year). You don’t have to be a sports fan to appreciate the importance of this event. You may even wish to invite some of your friends over to share this day with you. Well, don’t worry. We have created this guide to help you plan a Super Bowl Party that your friends will talk about all year.

Lets begin.

So, wait. We’re having a party?

Yup. Well, you are. A Super Bowl Party.

I see. Is it important to know anything about football?

It certainly helps, but it’s not necessary.

You don’t know anything about football either, do you?

That doesn’t matter now. Something about pigskins and penalties.

Sounds unhygienic. And somewhat sexy.

Uh..right. Moving on…the first thing you’ll want to do is create an invite list of all the people you would like to see at your party.

You mean, like friends, right?

Yes. I assume you have some? Remember that Dave from customer service doesn’t count.

Not invited.

Totally invited.

Of course I have some. Well, you know, co-workers and such.

(sigh)We can work with that. Let’s keep going. Remember that you want to invite only a select few of your frien- I mean co-workers. This way, it will lend an air of exclusivity to your party.

You had to spell check exclusivity, didn’t you?

Ok, look. If you can’t focus on this, how do you plan to..plan..a party?

Well, first of all, I don’t recall even wanting to throw a party. In fact, I don’t even know how we’re talking right now. Are we two people…or one person… or…what’s going on here exactly.

-……….

-……….Lets just continue.

Ok, now that we have your list made up, let’s move on to party supplies and decorations.

Are we having this at my house?

Do you own a club or any type of event hall?

No.

Well, then. Your house it is.

Unless its this house. Then, no.

Of course.

You’ll definitely want to put up banners of the competing teams or hang streamers bearing the team colors. Try to find paper plates, tablecloths, cups and other decorative items that bear the super bowl logo. They’re a bit more expensive, but money should be no object when it comes to having a great time.

Speaking of money, how am I paying for all of this?

Good question. We haven’t even covered food and beverages yet.

Could we make it BYOB?

No, that’s tacky. Do you still have both of your kidneys?

What?

Nothing. Look, you’re getting ahead of yourself. We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.

You mean “cross” that bridge. Not “burn” it.

Right, right. Although, if this goes as badly as I think it will, there’ll definitely be some burnt bridges. Are you sure you want to invite co-workers? You may never be able to go back to work after this.

That’s ok. They never liked me anyway.

That’s good, because the meat we were going to use for the barbeque wasn’t going to be as fresh as you may have hoped. The key is to go to the grocery store in the early morning hours. That’s when they mark down all the meat they haven’t sold over the last couple of days.

This looks fresh. Bargain fresh.

Sounds like a bargain, but is that safe?

They wouldn’t sell it otherwise. Right?

I’ll eat before the party.

Good idea. And if anyone questions the food, just liquor them up. They’ll think they’re throwing up from the booze.

Anything else?

I don’t know. I lost interest in this a few paragraphs ago.

You’re an inspiration, you know that.

Whatever. Congratulations on completing this guide. May your par-

Wait! Hold on, is that it?

Yeah, it's five in the morning here. I'm done. Good luck!

Fucker.

JrX

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